HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
