Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
