No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
