Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
