apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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