this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
