How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
