the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
