Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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