That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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