A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
