I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
