As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i came on her dog
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
