I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
