I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
