There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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