The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
