porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
