mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
