is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize