Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My vagina just recognized that song.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
