the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
