I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
