you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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