I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
