It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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