It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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