Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
