we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
