): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i've created a new STD.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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