Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
