I want to have your abortion
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
