The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
