I'm eating all of the evidence.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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