The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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