He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
