Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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