he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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