my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
