For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
