I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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