I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
