You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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