If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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