I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
