Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
