Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
