I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
