So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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