I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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