cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
