There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
