i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
