i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
