did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
