And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
