I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
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I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i think my cat just said my name.
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The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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