life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
