Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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