my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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