i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
