i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Panties = found
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
