your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
