so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
A bitchslap is in order.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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