I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
