threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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