I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
