I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
