May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
