My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
