I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
