dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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