So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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