If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize