Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
