Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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