This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
