I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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