guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
