This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
