I think my fart just growled at me.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
