I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
