It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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